This Is What It Feels Like to Not Do Your Art

My mom was an artist. 

But in her world women didn't do art, unless it was a hobby. She also decided that her deepest desire was a husband and family. She got those things.

BUT...I believe the artist inside her was still there and was desperate for an outlet--a way to express itself.

The way she did express her creativity was through interior design (she repainted, re-carpeted, got new furniture and decor pretty frequently), through the clothes she wore, and getting her hair done.

None of this ways of expressing creativity are bad or good. But it was all unconscious. The unconsciousness caused fights between my parents about money--how much it cost to remodel the house, to buy the clothes she wanted, to see the hairstylist weekly. 

Imagine what it would have been like to have had this conversation: "Don (my dad/her husband), I need to do art. The only way I can see how to do this is by remodeling the house. Do we have the money for that right now?"

Yes, I know there is no universe where this conversation would have happened. But if it had, I like to think about what might have been born from it. 

Why am I telling you this? Because if you're a creative person, your creativity needs to get out in the world. It has a job. My experience is that it WILL get out, one way or another. 

The best thing is to cooperate with it. Then there won't be any bloodshed.